I just want someone who will be there for me. Someone who will take care of me. Someone who will love no other. Someone who will always do something to make me happy. Someone who will always make me feel special. I want honesty. I want the truth, the whole truth. Is that too much to ask for? I feel like it is with our current society. Its near impossible.
I think one of these days I’m just going to kill myself for shit and giggles. I feel as if I’ve lived long enough in my life to decide when I want to end it all. It will only get harder as I grow older and unfortunately I don’t think I am durable enough to withstand whatever else life has to throw at me. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m worn out. I refuse to continue. I have completely given up. I don’t really care about the people affected by my death. In fact if anything has pushed me this far, it was the people I cared about in the first place. I cared about them more than I ever cared about myself. Cared about them so much that when they stopped caring about me, I also stopped caring about myself. I’ve had enough of all their opinions and suggestions on how to work my life congested in my thoughts. I think it’s safe to say no one really cares about me anymore. I wake up alone. I spend my days alone. I sleep alone. I have no talents. I have nothing special about me. I’ve lost my glow. I’ve lost my confidence. I’ve lost at life. If I do happen to just wake up one day and decide to just end it, maybe everything will be better for everyone else.
For me skateboarding is a lifestyle. I’ve grown to love it over the years, 4, I have been skating. I don’t think I could ever just say, I’m never going to skate again after this day. I will. I can’t guarantee that I’ll skate everyday, but I love to when I get the chance. Currently work and soon school will get in the way but I might quit my job anyways.
I love skateboarding for many reasons. Most people think of it as nothing serious. It is and it’s just getting even bigger. For me, skateboarding lets me escape everything. The only problems I’ll get skateboarding is if my board snaps, if I get kicked out of the spot, or if I’m just not landing my tricks. I don’t have to worry about the real world. It’s like for a couple of hours I can ride a magical piece of wood on wheels and just get away from it all. I get exited landing tricks and learning new ones. I can look out the window and see something everyone else who doesn’t skate can’t see. Skateboarding for me has always been like painting. My board is a brush and the world is my canvas. I find art in what I do. I don’t want to skate to be the best, I want to skate because it makes me happy. I might never go anywhere with it but that was never the point. I started skateboarding because my friends did it. I met one of my best friends who I know will be a brother for life through skating. I hated skateboarding at first but it was because my friends were so competitive pushing me to do better and I have a burning will to give everything I try at my best shot that I still do it. I poured blood and soul into skateboarding. I did it because I look at it as, the better I get, the more I can paint. I am the last person in my group of friends I use to skate with who still skates. I still hang out with them but I always make time to skate. They still push me to do better. They still support me. Thats why I love it. It’s the one thing that people don’t tell me is wrong and always right. It’s the one thing that makes me happy. It never ends. There is no end to skateboarding. You can think you have every trick in the world but there’s always someone else out there that can do something you can’t. There’s always a new trick to learn. It may all look the same to everyone but everyone who skates is unique in their own way.
Taken by a photographer who recently moved into NYC from France with his wife. I was with my friends fucking around while my friend Justin was trying a trick down the hubba. Then he noticed some guy and his wife taking pictures of us and asked him for his email so we could get the pictures. The guy was kind enough to exchange numbers too and offer to take pictures of us and our friends anytime. Frontside Pop Shuv down Black Hubba 4 Manhattan NY.
I feel all over the place. My mood is constantly swinging. Everything feels like a blur. Everything and everyone doesn’t have time for me. I feel alone when I know I’m not. I never have someone I can just talk to about anything. It’s like I’m lost and stuck at a forked road. Most of the time I just want to sleep all day and ignore the rest of the world. Sometimes I feel like just giving up on everything and everyone. I’m stuck.
My left ankle has been sprained. Not really want I wanted to happen but here’s how it went down.
Day 1:
- My friends Justin, Xavier, and Patrick came with me to visit our two friends who lived in the city Stevan and Tommy.
- We went to hang out, skate, and film.
- Same night, Justin, Tommy, and I skated a seven set.
- Stevan neglected to film anything.
- We went home in vain but we still had the next day.
- No injuries yet.
Day 2:
- Most of us woke up around 12 PM.
- We didn’t start skating and filming until 4:30 PM.
- Justin and Tommy were the first to get clips, I had none.
- We came across a five stair with a sketchy run up and I was desperate to land something for the film.
- I tried to frontside pop shuv it the five stair and met my demise.
- It was my first try.
- I ended up walking about 13 blocks back to the apartment.
Conclusion:
- I’m only going to skate ledges and flat ground during winter.
- I’m never going to try what I could’ve done down a gap in the summer during the winter.
- I’m off work for a week because of this injury.
- When my ankle is healed or fully healed, I’m going to start practicing again.
Goals:
- Be more consistent at skating during the winter.
- Put more effort when I’m healed.
- Be better at skating after the injury than before it.
Name: Byron Christopher Abecia Pineiro
Age: 20 Years Old
Status: Taken by Janelle Sadsad
Location: Bergenfield, New Jersey
Ethnicity: Filipino & Puerto Rican
Employed: Dunkin Donuts
Interests: Skateboarding, Video Games, Art, Music, Guitars, Food
Facebook: facebook.com/bpineiro
Twitter: @Im_Mowgli
Tumblr Purpose: My old blog was messy and unorganized. It was composed of messy posts and pictures. This blog will be more of one to express thoughts and opinions on a both positive and negative aspects of my life.
